Keeping Life in Check
By BETSY DEMITROPOULOS
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| Jami Breslin, second from left, stands with her children Shane, Paige and Chase, as they hold a hockey jersey belonging to their father, Tim. Jami says she thinks of him every day. (Photo by Melissa Emory) |
Honest, hardworking, likeable, funny, sarcastic, strong and athletic.
Those are just a few of the words Jami Breslin, 42, uses to describe her late husband, Tim. He also was an amazing father and husband, she adds.
It will be seven years next month that life changed irrevocably for the Breslin family, who lives in St. Charles.
On Thanksgiving Day in 2004, after he had complained of stomach pains for days, Breslin took her husband to the hospital.
That holiday, she says, was the “beginning of the end.”
The Breslin family soon discovered that Tim Breslin’s affliction was far more severe than appendicitis. He had appendiceal cancer, or cancer of the appendix.
Filled with hope in the months following Tim Breslin’s surgeries, the family was very optimistic he would pull through, Breslin says.
Breslin remembers thinking, “We found it; we got it,” she says. “We are going to beat this, fight this.”
But in 11 weeks, at the age of 37, Tim Breslin lost his short battle with cancer, passing away in February 2005.
While her husband was recovering from his surgeries at home and preparing for chemotherapy, Breslin says his children made him so happy.
And it is through their children that Breslin also has found happiness in a dark and difficult time of her life. She says her children have helped her heal, and she knows she has to be strong for them because they need her more than ever.
Breslin says people ask her, “How do you do it? How are you so strong?” And she tells them she has no choice.
“[My kids] need a strong mom,” she says. “It’s not an option for me to bury my head in the sand.”
After her husband passed away, Breslin still had three young children to take care of. Her son Shane, now 12, was 6 when his father died. Paige was 2 and their youngest son, Chase, was just 14 months old.
Although Tim Breslin physically is absent from their lives, Breslin feels like he’s still with them in the spiritual sense, she says. She and her children pray for him. There are pictures of him all over their home. Breslin tells her children stories about their dad and shows them photos of him.
Many of the photos and videos they see of their father show him on the ice. Tim Breslin was a professional hockey player who signed with the NHL’s Los Angeles Kings after college. He played eight years in the minors, including five years with the Chicago Wolves. He retired from the game in 1999.
But hockey was a major part of Tim Breslin’s life, and the sport has provided the Breslin family with a big connection to him. All of the Breslin children — even Paige — play hockey, which provides them a bond with their dad.
Breslin says hockey has kept her husband’s memory alive and helps her family celebrate his life today. The couple was introduced to each other through Breslin’s brother Peter, who also plays hockey, and it is through hockey that Breslin still feels a connection to her late husband.
When she talks about losing him, Breslin still has a hard time holding back tears. She says it’s getting better, but they still come.
“The toughest part is missing someone every single moment of every day,” she says.
Breslin says she’s read every book available about grieving. Everything she’s read about how to help children who have lost a parent cope with that loss agrees that it is vital for them to have a loving network of family and friends.
Her children certainly have that. Breslin’s brother Virgil moved to the area just so he could be closer to her and her children. Her brother Peter has coached her kids’ hockey teams.
Tim Breslin’s father, Jim, is very active in his grandchildren’s lives, especially when it comes to hockey, just as he was with his son. When Tim Breslin was younger, his father always would take him to get a burger after hockey practice. Today, he continues that tradition with both Shane and Chase after their practices.
Breslin’s own father rarely misses his grandchildren’s games, either. And both grandmothers come together each week to spend time with the Breslin children, too.
“Having the love and support of our family has made the greatest impact on our healing," Breslin says.
A lot can come out of a tragedy like the one she and her family has experienced, she says. It’s made her see life’s blessings more clearly, as well as taught her to appreciate life more fully.
“When you lose someone so important to you, someone who is this amazing person, it makes you realize that life is short, and you should count your blessings every day,” she says.
